When your partner does something that offends you deeply, your first reaction, naturally will be to pay back. But you must not.
In any marital, marriage-intended, or any other form of romantic relationship, there is bound to be a constant cycle of connection, disconnection and reconnection.
The very fact that you are a couple or romantically involved settles the connection part. The quarrels and lovers' fights will bring about occasional disconnection, and when you both handle the problems properly, you'll make up and there is your reconnection.
Unfortunately many couples somehow get lost at the stage of disconnection and never reconnect again.
This, almost all the time, has to do with how you react when your partner offends or hurt you with their action.
The link between the almost inevitable disconnection and required reconnection is your reaction to that hurtful thing your partner did.
So, how are you supposed to react to something painful said or done to you by your partner?
Do not react in that moment
There is a legal term known as 'acting in the heat of passion'.
This basically explains the situation where you retaliate in like manner immediately someone does something malicious to you.
The above explains how we humans naturally react to situations. In a relationship, though, you must not.
It's going to take time, but as a man or woman who values the relationship, you must learn over time that you are not supposed to retaliate all the time, especially if the situation is a volatile one with the possibility of permanently ruining what you've got going.
By the way, I need to mention here that the hurtful things being referred to in this article do not include physical abuse and repeated extreme verbal abuse.
In conclusion, when faced with a situation where something hurtful has been said or done to you by your lover, consider how you would want him or her to react to you if you did the same or worse to them.
This will also enable you not to overreact and ruin the chances of a reconnection.
While you do not want to react in the moment, you also should not bottle up your annoyance or discontent.
Find a suitable time to address the issue as coolly as possible.
If your partner is as concerned about keeping the relationship going as you are, they will grant you audience, an apology, and a change of behaviour.
Learn to control your reactions during disagreements, because reconnection is to a large extent dependent on that thing you are about to say or do next.